Leaping

It's been said time and time again that there are many lessons to learn from kids. Kids have a unique way taking on life without fear (at least not the kind of fear adults have) or worry. Ella doesn't have to fear where her next meal comes from or worry about new shoes or pants when she hits the latest growth spurt. She fully enjoys life and lives each minute she is awake to the fullest (this is no exaggeration. So long as the child is awake she is moving and moving fast. I hope Vivian is calmer and more relaxed).

Since Ella was really little she has been fearless. New situations or people did not scare her. When she was scared of some thing it was weird and out of character. She would jump into new situations and open arms if provided with little thought of anything bad happening to her. This is where the lesson from Ella came.

I am amazed at how trusting she is. She never worries that I won't catch her when she jumps out of bed into my arms or that my hand won't stop her from falling as she flings herself down the stairs. She trusts that as long as I am standing in front of her or have her hand she is safe. This is how my stance towards God should be. He is far more steady and loving then me and yet there are times when I don't trust Him and worry about something unnecessarily.

Two Sundays ago one of my pastors, Adam, preached on Matthew 6:25-34 from the Sermon on the Mount. It was a great message. One that I needed to hear. It is all about worrying. Worrying can be a very time consuming activity and is one that Adam pointed out does not do much to help any situation. He made a distinction between concern and worry that made this passage clearer to me then it had been before. We can have concern about our lives, children, finances, spouses, jobs, etc. Concern is different from worry in that it does not keep us up at night imagining what could have happened. I liked this distinction. It helped me see places in my life where worry was setting in.

When I quit my job to stay home with Ella many people asked how we would "make it." I didn't know exactly how we would make it financially without my pay check I just knew that God would provide and we would be fine. God has provided over and over again in this past year. We have money in savings, we have never missed a bill, our cupboards have food in them, and we have still been able to go out and do plenty of fun things. When I would feel worry begin to creep in over money I would look back at how God has provided and trust that we will be able to pay our bills. Somehow this has been an area where worry has not had a big foothold. When Adam was preaching I began to really look at where I could be allowing worry to come into my life and found a place.

If I am honest I will admit that the hardest part about quitting my job was not finances, it was when I will go back to work and how far behind I will be in the field of teaching. It could be many years until I work again. The last time I was applying for jobs it took me two years to get my position in Hockinson. I worry that it will take that long again or about my teaching practice being out dated by the time I do return to the classroom. These are things that could and some times do consume me.

Adam's message is very timely. Tomorrow is the first day of school at Hockinson. Had I returned to work it would be my first day of school. With Ben going back to school and all my teacher friends heading back, I am constantly reminded about how I am not teaching and worry is trying to consume me. I am fighting against this worry by remembering Adam's message and watching my fearless child.